After this week’s readings, and thinking about the main characters in the short story, I wonder if they had been in a location where their culture was more present with other people who also came from that culture, if that would have changed where they were six months later. In reading about India’s postpartum traditions, it seems like some of those traditions were followed, for instance, Shoba’s mother came to live with them for 2 months. Even so, did she feel supported mentally and emotionally? It seems that Shukumar was dealing with his own grief in his own way. I got to wondering if there were ceremonies in India or the Hindu religion that they do for babies who do not make it?
I also wonder if they had more support with friends or family members after the loss of their child, if things would have been different. Maybe by shutting people out and not having that support, it made things harder for them to move past this tragedy. Part of me wonders if it was harder for Shoba since she has memories from India and Shakumar does not? They did not speak of the Hindu Baby Rites in the short story, but I also wonder if they had performed those ceremonies since Shoba was so far along? Not that losing a baby at any time period is easy, but that could have played a part in making it more difficult for them to heal.
Another thought that came to mind is if therapy is something that is prevalent in India or the Hindu religion? I know that can be a taboo topic for people in all cultures, however, I do feel like it is becoming more normalized as people are more apt to talk about mental health and healing. I wonder if either Shoba or Shakumar had thought about this or if this was something that was not an option for them. I also wonder if Shoba being alone having the baby and after played a part in their grieving and if they didn’t feel like they could grieve together?
I know postpartum is so difficult. I personally had a lot of anxiety when I became a new mom. Thinking about the postpartum treatment that was shared in the article sounds so lovely in the fact that women have a support system in India. If I would have asked my mom or mother in law to stay and take care of me, they would have, but I didn’t feel like that was something I could do. I think in America, we are so accustomed to having the baby and having to do it all. I remember thinking about maternity leave and how I was going to be able to afford it. Thankfully, I had been working at my job for many years and banked up enough sick leave to be paid for the 3 months I took. My coworker who had a baby 2 weeks before me had only been with us for a year prior. She only could afford 6 weeks, and looking back at where I was at 6 weeks with my anxiety, I would have been a mess. I remember my doctor telling me that places in Europe have maternity paid for for a year in some places. After having a child myself, I realize how much work we still have yet to do to help mothers in their postpartum period.
Resources:
Lahiri, J. (1998). A temporary matter. The New Yorker. https://moodle.morningside.edu/mod/resource/view.php?id=1149987
Learning from India’s postpartum traditions. Nutrition Care of Rochester. (n.d.). https://www.nutritioncareofrochester.com/article.cfm?ArticleNumber-30
Religions - Hinduism: Baby rites. BBC. (2009). https://www.bbc.co.uk/religions/hinduism/ritesrituals/bab.shtml
We do have a lot of work to do to help mothers with postpartum. I believe that Shoba and Shukumar did not have the proper support to help them with the grieving process. I feel like the United States did/does not put a lot of emphasis on child loss or post partum unless the mother seeks it out. Like you said, we do have therapy and things but I would not feel comfortable asking for help so I am sure that Shoba was the same way.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your perspective since, as a male, I will never experience giving birth. :) I remember the difficult time one of my sisters had postpartum after she delivered her first baby, stillborn (they had lost the baby a week prior, but she was nearly full term, so had to give birth). I imagine that different cultures have unique ways to grieve, and maybe being away from any culture that either of them could call "home" made it difficult for either of them to open up to anyone about how they were feeling--even to each other. Even with the support structure that my sister and brother-in-law had, it was a difficult experience. I can't imagine how they would have handled it if they had been in a completely different culture.
ReplyDeleteSam--
ReplyDeleteI wanted to touch on the Indian culture surrounding stillborn babies. When there was this suggestion that the Shoba and Shukumar were in a depressive state and pulled away from the people around them, I wanted to do some research about how India saw prenatal deaths. According to a quick peek at an article from Roberts et al, the Indian culture does not acknowledge the emotions attached to stillbirth because it is a disgrace to have it occur. The husband can actually remarry when this happens. The article, Learning from India's Postpartum Traditions, actually gives us clues to this thinking. The special diets and all of the care designed to make the postpartum a wonderful healing experience will only work if the baby is there. That is where those rituals come in.
Learning from India’s postpartum traditions. Nutrition & Lactation Education Rochester NY. (n.d.). https://www.nutritioncareofrochester.com/article.cfm?ArticleNumber=30
Roberts, L. R., Anderson, B. A., Lee, J. W., & Montgomery, S. B. (2012a). Grief and women: Stillbirth in the social context of India. International Journal of Childbirth, 2(3), 187–198. https://doi.org/10.1891/2156-5287.2.3.187
Wow, thank you for sharing. That breaks my heart.. I wonder if that plays a part in this short story and how it ended up for this couple.
DeleteI also thought about the cultural isolation of the couple and the distance from family support as a contributing factor to their depression and struggle. I also wondered about therapy, only my focus was whether the hospital provided the resources the couple needed. From what the story said, the doctor just smiled and said that these things happen.
ReplyDeleteI agree that we need to do better as a country to provide for new mothers. We are often expected to do it all and keep a smile on our faces. When I was pregnant with my 3rd, I was getting more and more exhausted and my doctor told me to take off work a couple weeks before her birth. I told her that I wasn't sure I would be able to make that happen and she looked me in the eye and said, "It is ok to not be Superwoman! No one should expect you to be. Take the time off, take the pain management, take care of yourself." I have never forgotten those words and have passed on the knowledge. If only society would get on board as well.