This story was a very difficult topic to read about. Obviously, the loss of their child had a huge impact on Shoba and Shakumar. I found it interesting that what lead to their healing and moving on was an old tradition that Shoba experienced when living in India. At first, I thought the secrets were Shoba’s way of reconnecting with Shakumar. By seeing the worst parts of each other, maybe they could both move on from losing their child. After I found out that Shoba was using this as a way to tell Shakumar that she needed space and was moving out, I was devastated. I do wonder if this was her way of healing in reverse. The article about Hindu postpartum traditions talks about how the mother isn’t left alone for 6 weeks, doesn’t do housework or cooking, and generally works on healing and providing for baby. After her loss, Shoba also had her mother come and help out and Shakumar cooks and helps to do the things that Shoba normally did. She was, in a way, experiencing the postpartum rituals without bringing home a baby. To me, it makes sense that she might want to take care of herself and be alone to start her healing.
I also thought it was interesting how we got to see so much of Shakumar’s grief. The grief of male partner’s is not at the forefront of people’s minds after a miscarriage happens. It is clear that Shakumar feels this loss heavily. I think it is even more sad because he had just gotten to that stage of ‘we can do this’ and was excited to be a parent and then he found out the news. I thought it was a nice view of both sides of grief that we typically don’t see.
Lahiri, Jhumpa. “A Temporary Matter.” Interpreter of Maladies. New York: Houghton Mifflin, 1991. 1-21.
Learning from India’s Postpartum Traditions. (n.d.). https://www.nutritioncareofrochester.com/article.cfm?ArticleNumber=30
Brett,
ReplyDeleteI found it interesting that you saw that Shoba was healing in reverse. The stages of grief are weird and sometimes not in order. Do you think a couple in the U.S. would act the same way as Shoba and Shakumar, or do you think the roles are different?
Brett,
ReplyDeleteI agree with what Kristen said as well. The idea of healing in reverse is a very interesting way of thinking. The whole process was so overwhelming and sad that taking time to herself it was she needed. She needed to figure out who she is now that he life looks different than the way she thought it would.
To answer your question Kristen, I definitely think it's possible. I hear stories all the time of couple whole separate after the loss of the child. Everyone handles grief differently. That grief can fundamentally change a relationship if they do not like the way the other handles it.