When I read the short story, I was crushed as a woman who has had three miscarriages. I know this is a tough enough subject to deal with without being affected by cultural dislocation. There is so much guilt that both men and women feel when a stillborn happens. Not to mention the fact that men and women deal with grief differently. However, these two did not have anyone from their culture to help them. There did not seem to be a funeral or burial. There are no friends and family around to help them.
If the couple were still in India, Shoba might have had six weeks of postpartum recovery, with her mother there to help with warm baths and massages. Instead, she jumps back to work without even really grieving, exercising to forget about weight gain and body distortion. Then Shukumar, given time to work on his Distortion, has time to think. He is supposed to research, write, and work but instead feels guilty.
You assume that Shoba is upset at Shukumar because he was not with her, but he was networking and trying to be successful. Who could have known that something like this would happen while he was gone? Shukumar is trying to take care of Shoba, but when neither talks to the other, no one takes care of the other. They get overlooked by neighbors and friends who are taught not to pry and meddle in the United States. Cultural dislocation is complex. You don't fdon'tike anyone can understand what you are going through because they do not share the same culture or belief. You already feel like an outsider, and then your world shatters. They are both dealing with a difficult situation in a difficult place. I am glad they created time to talk; maybe those talks will continue for both. They may find support groups or help from their place of worship so they are not alone.
You mention the difference in perspective here between Shoba and Shukumar. Both lose themselves in either their work and their guilt, possibly living in some denial and not truly feeling their grief. They are each others biggest support systems and also struggling to have very difficult conversations with each other. It is ironic that though they are dislocated and missing out on so much of home and their previous sense of normalcy, it is an electric fix and an old tradition and piece of home that helps to bring them back together. I am sure that for people who have relocated, rediscovering themselves in a new culture while also keeping their own culture is a very difficult feat. It adds another layer to their loss.
ReplyDeleteRegina,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your personal experience and connecting it to the text. You are so resilient!
I am glad they rediscovered and rekindled their relationship on what felt broken.
I thought it was sad that Shakumar felt so much guilt about not being there, but he was able to still see the baby and hold it. I wondered how this might have been different if the couple gave birth in India? I didn't see anything from the other articles about what is done with babies who are stillborn.
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