Prior to motherhood I would have had sympathy for the woman in the short story. As a mother now, reading this story, I ached for the loss they both endured. It was very hard to read and as described in the prompt, their unimaginable loss takes a toll on their life and their relationship with each other. The articles we read described the way the Hindu people surround mothers in support while pregnant and after birth. The article speaks to the culture of moving back in with your mother so that you can be "mothered" while you are learning how to be one yourself. They put a large focus on familial support and are very intentional about the nutritious foods that they are giving to the new moms while they heal and work to feed their new baby. Beyond this they also celebrate the small moments like going out in public for the first time and piercing their ears. Had the woman been in India for this very difficult time, I can only imagine that even though her baby did not make it, her family would have surrounded her in support just the same. Rather, her husband was unsure how to connect with her and have difficult conversations and work through their grief. Even though her mother was able to visit, it was only for a short time and not enough of what the woman needed. Their dislocation made a very tough time even more challenging. Specifically for the Indian culture and the way they support women as compared to the lack of support generally in the United States, this would be a very challenging time to be away from home.
Dislocation takes you away from your familial support and life as you know it. In a new country with different food, culture, and people, you are coping with so much more than your typical life circumstances. Life is challenging enough without adding in the absence of family, traditions, close friends, among other things that bring comfort and joy to people adding to their quality of life. The distance from home led to distance in their relationship, more time needed for healing, and it takes an electrical fix for them to gain some necessary intentional time to reconnect with one another.
Resources:
Learning from India’s Postpartum Traditions. (n.d.). https://www.nutritioncareofrochester.com/article.cfm?ArticleNumber=30
BBC - Religions - Hinduism: Baby rites. (n.d.). https://www.bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/hinduism/ritesrituals/baby.shtml
I agree with you so much. They probably felt alone and isolated before. But after such a terrible ordeal. Then to with draw and not talk to each other. I could not imagine. I was happy the power went out and they connected with each other again. I was hoping their was a support group they could go to or a place of worship.
ReplyDeleteKiley,
ReplyDeleteI agree that being away from familial support made their loss even harder to work through. Even if they were not knowledgeable of the cultural traditions to follow, having family close by would have helped with the feelings of isolation they were having. I tried researching Indian traditions for miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant death, but I was not able to find very much information. I wonder if this is such a private matter, that it is something that is not addressed culturally? This might explain why, when either mother was visiting, it wasn't talked about. Or, when Shukumar brought it up with his mother-in-law, she avoided talking about it by snapping at him. I would guess that losing a child at birth carries a lot of shame in many cultures, and therefore, there are few options for helping couples cope with the loss.